Sex is also NOT the most important thing in a marriage, though it's a wonderful perk. So many relationships nowadays are based around sex. When that gets boring, what do you have?
My husband and I wanted to make sure we were in love with each other, not our sex. We were together for three years, engaged for one year. The wedding night? Very exciting and amazing, as it should be! Not something you can get if you've already been intimate. Everyone does what is right for them, however, in today's progressive society people who wait are scorned for their choice, whilst those who sleep around want to be free from judgment.
Why can't both sides remain free from judgment? I never slept around—why should I be ridiculed for such? I did what was right for myself. I was raised believing that it was how God meant it to be, and I felt if there was a chance my marriage would be blessed because of it, I wanted that. As I grew up, I realized that I was only going to give my virginity to a man who truly valued and loved me. And until I met the man I married, no one before him was worth it to me.
When my husband and I started dating, he said, "I won't be the reason you break the commitment you have made. However, it was patently clear to both of us that we were going to be very compatible in bed, if not elsewhere.
Then I had to practice inserting it. So in the privacy of my bedroom, I greased the thing, bent it and watched it career off the walls. I eventually got the hang of it, but we should have spent more time talking about emotional compatibiltiy and communication.
No pill, no legal abortions, and sub rosa horror stories from and about young women who had gotten, unwittingly, pregnant. It usually happens with peer pressure, thinking your totally in love with that person or by mistake under the influence of something. Such a religious attitude, behind this question.
Maybe we should all revert back to the fifties; The golden age of happy facades. For this you would. There were some genuinely great times scattered throughout them.
For one, it was nice not having to lock doors unless you were going on vacation. My first time was horrible and it only got better with time and different people. You have a chocolate cake in front of you. I initially meant it for that, but got caught up in sharing my opinion. Thanks for stepping up to the plate. Last two things. Would you really tell the truth? Sex is for reproduction and it feels good so that we will do it alot.
It has nothing to do with marriage. Also sex is a important part of a relationship, but does not define it. And if it does then the relationship is a fruitless one. With the soaring divorce rates that we have now days, I think that everything should be tested previous to tying the knot.
They should live together, sleep together, work on projects together, take care of a living thing together, etc.
What if one leaves the other sexually unsatisfied? Its things like that that cause a person to look for satisfaction outside of the relationship.
Waiting for marriage to have sex is a bad idea in many other ways as well. Anything that causes a person to rush in to a marriage is a bad thing. And sex is a Very tempting reason to get married too early. They tend to try and stay together because of the child. There are few decisions that could be worse. I have many friends who resent their parents for that very decision. I am in a long term monogamous relationship.
We lost our virginity to each other. We waited to do this until we were both 18 and could make a responsible decision about it. We are not going to even THINK about marriage until we both graduate from college and have lived together for at least a year. I have never heard of an unconsummated relationship lasting that long. If we end up getting married after that, I can assure you that there will be few problems. We will have tested every single aspect of the relationship and will be sure that it can work comfortably.
Sex is more than just what it sounds like. It is another healthy aspect of a relationship. There is a lot of love that can be involved in it. Sex has brought my relationship closer together more ways than just sexually. Intimacy is a very good word for it. It can be playful, wrestling, fun, goofy, and loving all at once. Very few women can achieve orgasm from penetration alone. Very few men stay entertained with just basic missionary every time.
In true intercourse the individuals are able to communicate. Able to not be shy about any of it. Not afraid to ask for what they want. Two people should be able to feel completely comfortable together and be able to completely satisfy each other. Sex is a compromise. If you can be comfortable with another persons body, it opens up more aspects of the relationship.
I would NEVER want to be in a relationship where we were treading around a pink elephant of some kind, trying not to think about it or mention it. I may joke about sex a whole lot, but its important to note that I am far from promiscuous. I am very picky about it being a monogamous long term relationship, and am very careful about safety. Howdy; I chose career deliberately v.
Ricochet would have worked. In spite of early marriage, I finished my BA and had a serious career immediately after graduation — then had two children and workied part-time in same job -. Was scolded about and then taught the difference between the two words from a friend who was the then Drama Critic for The New Yorker. Probably not as good as sex,however, but a rush for me.
I actually started on that track, and then got sidetracked, as I usually do in the morning, cecil is not a morning person, nor the master of English that gail is, cecil bows before her in humility.
If you count that as the mark of a virgin, I lost mine to a tampon. Its very common for a female to not naturally create enough lubrication, and a guy who is too rushed, excited, stupid, or inexperienced will push on anyways.
Learning to use lube in a positive way is an important thing that comes with experience or education. And in the cases that a girl can get off from penetration alone.. That takes experience, practice, slowness, and communication. Yes, people do wait and not all of them are overly religious. This is sort of a complicated issue.
On the other hand, I do think that sex tends to be WAY better in a committed relationship or with someone you deeply care about. Refraining from having sex especially when partnered is, in my eyes, fairly unnatural and goes against some very intense biological urges. I personally feel that a religious vow of chastity is a recipe for disaster, in that we pit our brains against an ingrained biological drive.
We may have big, amazing brains, but I would place my money on the biological drive any day. Keep in mind that I mean this in scientific terms, this is not a personal judgement… i.
I am trying to think of the reasons for waiting for sex before marriage. There is religion. There is concern for possible pregnancy as a result. There is sexually transmitted diseases. I did not wait for marriage. I did wait until I was emotionally ready. Until I was mature enough to cope with what could happen. Mature enough to take the proper precautions. Bri — My ex was raised Catholic and originally was waiting until she married. She dated a man for a total of 3 years, eventually they got engaged, then they cracked.
She now is no longer religious as she once was, mainly spiritual. She still is not interested in sleeping with people she has little emotional attachment to. I for one, do beileve that we should wait. Sex was created for marriage by God and was intended to be enjoyed within that boundary. I think you will be glad you did. Not everyone is Christian or shares your religious views, so not everyone is going to share this belief. Whatever happened in the past does to some extent shape us today, but the past is the past.
That i why I wear a purity ring on my ring finger. People can say all sorts of religious bs, but that one just does not make sense. Sex is how we reproduce, it had to come first. Do you think that god would make marriage when there was no reproduction?
Of course not. All throughout high school my belief was to wait until marriage to have sex. It hurt that someone wouldnt want me because I wouldnt give it up. Towards the end of my senior year I met an amazing, mature guy. We got to know eachother, and he respected my beliefs. You know were this is going…when we were together for almost a year and I was 18, and matured I lost it to him.
Personally I believe great sex is such an important part of a relationship I could not imagine marrying someone without seeing if we were sexually compatible first.
Sex is pervasive. You cannot escape it! Even the choice to abstain is a sexual decision, whether under a religious mantle or not. Either way, I urge you to watch out for sailors, the dirty buggers. They go from port to port. Sex is by nature a very risky proposition.
With a total stranger sex can be very exhilarating but it is also very dangerous. In the bounds of a monogamous relationship it is more safe, but safeness can breed complacency. To bring this into the realm of this conversation sex is a gift of sorts. It is the ultimate vulnerability and the gives way to the ultimate acceptance from another person.
Does anyone wait till marriage to have sex anymore? Of course, but it takes training from childhood; teaching one to respect what they have sex, potential, morality, honor and not to give it away for the price of a date and a few alcoholic beverages, but to save it, and invest this priceless treasure in a relationship that is worthy and has a good chance of being successful.
Sex seems to be viewed as a inexpensive toy that only adults can play with. It is treated like a game that you can play with anyone, but on the contrary it is a precious, priceless gift that should only be carefully invested, not squandered.
The more sex is given out the less it is worth, and the more baggage one acquires, but it is true one gains experience during the process. Does the experience one brings outweigh the baggage? That is something that can only be assessed on a case by case basis, in my experience the baggage creates a negative in the relationship that the sexual experience in not able to overcome.
Hope this helps. If sex is a gift, who is it from? Sex is nature. Sex has no inherent worth, it is worth what it is at the time love, comfort, enjoyment, etc. I got married at 27, and had past partners, but that in no way polluted my experience with my spouse.
Sex is a physical act; no need to put sooo much thought into it. All that you carry into the sexual relationship is your experience good or bad, if sex for you is just a physical act. I know that one can bring all of oneself into sex, and in a sense sex strokes the soul. Sex can be a very shallow act only involving bodies with ones mind and emotions elsewhere. Sex can also be the culmination of our thoughts, feelings, and bodies united in action together in a joint goal. That is the kind of sex one is trying to achieve when one decides to discipline oneself to wait.
I appreciate your thoughtful questions. Who wants their S. To pull back to the question a bit more for a second; the concept of try it before you buy it really flies in the face of what relationships are about, especially marriage. Dang it…more questions. What is dating? What is cohabitation? Getting a pet together? Meeting the parents? Will this work?
Are we really compatible? Sex is another aspect of the relationship that needs to be explored before you tie the knot. You want to make a good long term investment. Do you hand the money over the the first investment firm that you feel good about? Would you get every scrap of information about them first? A smart investor would look at every document put out by that company for the life of the company because one wants to make sure that they are picking the right company to invest in.
I agree that meeting parents and trying out a relationship are very important first steps to finding out who a person is. There are many others: Premarital counseling to see if you are compatible personality types, watch the person around children, watch the person at church, watch the person first thing in the morning, watch the person before they go to bed, listen to the person, and read what the person writes, read the books the other person reads, discuss politics, find out how the person likes their eggs, watch how the person eats.
I realize that this sounds almost like you are stalking them and that many will find this small list too comprehensive. Now I go back to my previous premise for a moment. Sex is made priceless or significantly cheapened by the amount of times that you give it away. Where will you invest your sex? Kevin Jonas, along with his brothers Nick and Joe, got a lot of flack for their purity rings when they rose to fame in the early '00s. While Nick and Joe eventually ditched theirs, Kevin and his wife Danielle decided to wait until they were married to have sex, which Danielle has joked was not an easy decision.
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon decided that they would wait to have sex with each other until they married. Carey said that she was happy with that decision. And it was. Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel and model Miranda Kerr shocked many when she revealed their decision to wait to have sex until they were married.
We can't … I mean we're just … waiting. Although it's unclear if Spiegel has had sex in relationships in the past, Kerr has a son named Flynn with her ex-husband Orlando Bloom. Adriana Lima surprised a GQ interviewer when she revealed that she had never had sex and wouldn't until she got married for religious reasons. Lima presumably kept her word and waited to have sex until she married Jaric in They had two daughters together and split in Let's not assume that just because most people who abstain are religious that all people who wait are.
Clementine, a year-old woman, said that, for her, it was more about her desire to wait for the right person. This meant she wasn't necessarily planning to wait all the way until her wedding day. One atheist by the name of Leo has completely taken the matter of religion out of the equation, and instead said he's waiting is to have a "better chance at a successful marriage" and to form a "healthy self image" — among other reasons. Since most young men and women become sexually active at about 17 years old, according to Planned Parenthood , then the decision not to become sexually active would have to happen at a fairly young age as well.
Popular YouTuber Milena Ciciotti said she personally made the decision to abstain from sex while still in middle school. She made the decision after attending a church concert that highlighted "staying pure" and "gave out purity rings," Ciciotti said. According to the Christian jewelry site Purity Rings Online , these rings serve as an outward symbol of a person's vow of abstinence, and are generally worn on the left ring finger, as would a wedding ring, until marriage.
Another YouTuber, Emily Wilson , also admitted that she made her decision to remain a virgin until marriage while she was still a teen. Some people who've waited until marriage to lose their virginity feel similar to Wilson in that it worked out well for them. One person posted the Whisper confession : "I waited until marriage, so did my husband. Wasn't a religious choice. And yes, it was totally worth it.
She went on to concede that some four years later, she and her husband have grown apart. If I could go back and change it, I would," she added. Still, many of those who have waited say the pros outweigh the cons. Yes, it was very hard.
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